Shadow of a star
by Fire Lady Aya
Summary: “That’s why I left; I couldn’t protect you from me. My hands are blood-stained and dirty, I couldn’t touch you. You deserve so much more that I can give you,”


This is a one shot I wrote during my final days in England. Its been hanging over my head for a while, but I finally managed to type it up. I hope you all enjoy it!

The song I used is called "The Celluloid Dream" by A.F.I. I think you can hear it if you go to afireinside.net and click under music then under the 'Sing the Sorrow' album. Enjoy! 

Shadow of a Star

By Kiyoko

The piercing chill of the night barely touched the stunning face of Relena Darlian as she gracefully stepped out from the limo aided by the strong hand of her hansom escort. For the third time that month she dutifully plastered on a convincing smile for the impatient crowd massed in front of the Kaiser Williams Building currently hosting the event of the week. The Vice Foreign minister inwardly grimaced as she grabbed a fistful of royal-blue material. The color reminded her of his eyes, piercing and ever watchful. Would he be here watching her, protecting her like her promised? Such hopes died within her long ago. There was no magic or wishes left, only hard work and determination to maintain peace. Smiling up at the blonde at her side, she allowed him to drag her into the looming building.

He moved in a cloak of darkness among the shadows of Romanesque pillars lining the walls of the ballroom. Something had urged him here, to this place where she would be. He could never resist the pull of Relena Darlain and the niche in his heart she managed to wiggle herself into. His breath stuck in his throat and his heart constricted painfully as he caught sight of the beautiful enchantress as she glided down the marble steps to the awaiting crowd below.

_Calling tears from deep inside, oh you're so exquisite_

_ And in the mirror, all __midnight__ eyes _

_Oh if I could remain, but it's just a visit _

_All __midnight__ eyes read "vacancy". Twisted, twisting_

He watched as the lovely creature known as Relena Darlian turned on the social grace, politely addressing acquaintances as she swept through the throng of people while her escort dutifully played his role following at her side possessively. The once Queen of the World caused him feel something he couldn't describe. He felt so empty without her. A glitter of something in his peripheral vision caught his attention on a colossal, ornate mirror suspended on the immaculate walls. As he peered into the mirror, a man of 20 stood stiffly, hollow eyes staring back almost lifelessly. His unruly brown locks swayed in their usual messy position, something which drove the female population wild. In the dark his eyes turned a deathly midnight blue, menacing in appearance. Looking away in disgust, he turned his attention back to the sweet princess, he prince still at her side. He glared as the tall blonde placed a small kiss on her cheek, hi heart twisting painfully in his chest. The orchestra struck up a familiar tune to the young man and he whisked Relena off her feet onto the dance floor.

_To the lovely dancing lights, I begged may I cut in? _

_But they never stopped playing their song_

_Of a joyous song they sing I've heard whispers on a freezing note, I resonate._

The dimmed lights concentrated on the wooden dance floor created an other worldly glow from Relena's angelic face. The serene smile and glowing eyes made him take a pace closer to the light, his cloak of darkness nearly thrown away in desperation to feel her warmth. He wanted to sweep in there, kick that bastard to the curb and dance with the charismatic Relena for the rest of the night. With utter horror he watched as the blonde brushed a fallen lock of hair from her cheek and then caress her face with his strong fingers. Breaking away from the center, the couple twirled dangerously close to his hiding spot.

"I love you," the blonde man whispered softly into her hair. Heero was plunged into a deep sea of despair as he closed his eyes and tried to melt into the marble column he leaned against. 'No, no, no' his mind screamed through the darkness and pain. 'I love her!' His eyes shot open in total disbelief at the thought. By the time he peered back around the pillar, Relena and the blonde had disappeared.

_Just like romantic verses, just like a joyous end, _

_Just like a memory it twists me_

In the far regions of his mind, a sweetly familiar waltz surfaced, bathing him in pleasant warmth of memories. As the scene unfolded in his mind, he was transported back to his 15 year old self dancing with his striking goddess. The intense lighting illuminated her aqua-marine eyes and the closeness of her body radiated a comforting warmth he never experienced before. Her musical voice covered him in her innocence and strength. The scene abruptly shifted throwing him into another memory nearly four years old. He vaguely recalled being caught by her slender frame, gently brought to the ground and cradled in her loving embrace. Oh how he wished to remain! To feel safe and warm… maybe even loved? He was suddenly and violently brought back to the present. All that was over now, the smallest glimmer of hope she would love him had been snuffed out with time and his stupid reluctance to act on his emotions.

_You land as lightly as the new snow, cinematic_

_ Onto the melting boy and melt away_

_ You land as gently, you're so cinematic_

_ Bathed in your radiance, I melt._

He hastily forced himself to focus on the present before he drowned in his memories and emotions. In the back ground, a hauntingly beautiful melody played softly. Continuing his path through the looming shadows before being interrupted by the glowing ray of sunshine, he moved to an advantageous position on the balcony, he was given the pleasure of observing, but not observed. He soon caught the halo of honey-blonde hair among the graying diplomats. Even at the distance he could see her radiant smile. He wished all her smiles for himself, but wishes were for children, he had never been a child. As he watched her fluid movements and fluttering touches, he cold feel his cold exterior melt away. One look at her brilliant smile and compassionate glance mesmerized him.

_In the glitter in the dark, sunk into velvet_

_Praying this will never end_

_In the shadow of a star, in static pallor _

_I realized I never began._

Throughout the night he watched as she touched, talked, smiled and laughed with dozens of people, not one of them him. Cloaked in the velvety darkness, he began to suffocate. He realized he could never be down there with her, allowing other people to touch her. His selfishness and jealousy sent him further into the poisonous black hole of despair and destruction, but without her he was no one. Who would remember him when he died? To the world he was Gundam pilot 01, not many knew him as Heero Yuy. Would she even know if he died? He was death hidden in the closet, while she shone brightly for the world. He didn't exist without her.

_Just like romantic versus, just like an joyous end, _

_Just like a memory it twists me. _

_You land as lightly as the new snow, cinematic_

_Onto the melting boy and melt away, _

_You land as gently you're so cinematic. _

_Bathed in your radiance I melt_

He continued to watch as her date fawned all over her, sometimes crossing the boundary of social etiquette. Containing his raging emotions his heart frosted over with thick barriers of ice. Nothing could harm him as long as her left quickly avoiding looking at her, her brilliant magnificence and grace, her picturesque beauty. Blocking the memories from surfacing, from melting his walls, his heart, he ran.

_All the colors upon leaving all will turn to gray_

_All the colors upon leaving all with turn to gray_

_All the colors upon leaving all with turn to gray_

_All the colors upon leaving all with turn to gray_

He stumbled out into the bleak night, hollow eyes focused on the dull pavement beneath his feet. The shadows from the building bathed the street in an eerie haziness as fog skirted around the perimeter of dying light. The world in front of his eyes blurred together in sickening patterns.           

She blinked, and then blinked again. Was that Heero Yuy she saw stealthily slip out of the building? Impossible. A nagging feeling twisted relentlessly in her stomach. Hastily shoving her glass into a passing waiter's hand, she bolted to the door. Her mouth dried, making it hard to breath, as her heart constricted maliciously. Gathering her bulky skirts into her hands she hurried down the steps peering into the darkness. Spying his retreating figure she ran, embracing the darkness that surrounded her in order to reach him.

"Heero!"  

_You land as gently as the new snow, cinematic_

_Onto the melting boy and melt away_

_You light as gently you're so cinematic_

_Bathed in your radiance I melt_

Suddenly halted by a melodious soprano voice, he swung around quickly only to gaze upon the enchanting princess hurrying after him.

"Heero," she said again, breathless. Her cheeks had taken on a rosy hue against her creamy complexion, illuminating the darkness.

"Relena," he barely managed to choke out, trying to keep the fortress around his heart intact.

"What are you doing here?" she asked releasing the silky folds of her dress.

"I'm leaving" He watched mesmerized as the skirt of her dress sway then stilled after she dropped them.

"Well that's obvious," she huffed and put her hands on her hips.

"I have to go," he said quietly meeting her eyes steadily. She stared back intensely, her eyes blazing.

"Where to Heero? Because I think we'd all like to know," she shot back harshly startling the normally stoic pilot. His defensive shields rose and he glared back slightly.

"We? Whose we?"

"I don't know, maybe your so called 'friends' who care enough to ask about you, to see if you're still alive. You've dropped off into obscurity every chance you get not giving a damn about anyone else!" she screamed back balling her fists in frustration.

"I wasn't made to live in this world," he replied quietly casting his gazed to the ground.

"Dammit Heero! You created this world; I think you have more right than anyone to live in it. Look at me when I'm talking to you." Warily he met her aqua-marine stare and her flushed face still radiantly beautiful even though she was angry. He couldn't help the sharp intake of breath.

_You land as lightly as the new snow, cinematic_

The wind whipped around them, sending her golden locks dancing gently in the breeze.

"Why do you do this?"

"Do what?" he asked honestly

"This! Showing up then disappearing, thinking you're some plague on this god forsaken earth. I'm sick of it, all of it."

"And why do you care?" he shot back bitterly, "you have plenty to keep you busy." He looked away unable to look at her, beautiful as she was. A resounding slap sounded through the chill night air as Relena slapped the former pilot viciously across the face.

"Why do you think I do this? I do this for you, you asshole! Maybe if you stopped drowning yourself in your misery you'd see that someone actually cared about you."

"Yes, because you're current actions are so encouraging," he glared back at her, anger and jealousy seething through he veins

"If you're talking about Darren, what do you expect? You walked out of my life nearly four years ago and no word, not one god damn word since." Tears gathered in her bright eyes, glittering in the night.

"You said you'd always protect me, I bet you never thought it would be from yourself." Crystalline tears flooded down her tinted cheeks silently hitting the ground below.

"That's why I left; I couldn't protect you from me. My hands are blood-stained and dirty, I couldn't touch you. You deserve so much more that I can give you," he mumbled so quietly she had to strain to hear him.

"Don't you think I'm the one who should make that decision? You never even gave me the chance." Embarrassed she roughly wiped away the tears with her hand," and don't you dare tell me you're sorry! I won't accept it. I may have been a girl, but I left my childhood behind a long time ago. Sorry won't fix this." He reached out and tenderly touched her cheek, caressing the smooth flesh with his rough fingers.

"What was I supposed to do? I didn't know how to live, didn't know what to say," he paused searching her face for reassurance, but found none, "how do you say I love you?" Relena's eyes darted up to meet his blue depths swirling with emotions. A new flood of tears coursed down her face as she reached up to cup his hand in her own.

"Like this," she replied gently moving her hand through the lush chocolate locks, pulling his head to meet hers. Theirs lips met softly in a chaste kiss while Heero wrapped his strong arms around her waist pulling her closer. Shyly they pulled apart, looking deeply into each others eyes. Heero rested his forehead against hers, breathing in her heavenly scent, driving him wild.

"What now?" he asked tentatively rubbing his nose against hers.

"We start at the beginning," she replied moving away from his blessed warmth, then stuck out her hand, "hello, my name is Relena Darlian."

"Heero Yuy." He took her soft hand into his own and shook is firmly. Relena smiled brightly and what was left of his barriers melted.

A/N: Yay I'm done! This has been hanging over my head for months! Hope you liked it! Please review, cause it make me happy!


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